The Players Corner Archive

Death by breastages!

Now I'm not one to post news stories, but I couldn't resist. I wanted everyone else to share my laughter. Even -I- wouldn't mind dying this way! ::laughs::

-------------------------

Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs
Wednesday January 16, 2002

GENEVA - A fun-filled bachelor party at a strip club turned deadly when a 32-year-old groom-to-be who was enjoying the attentions of a well-endowed stripper suffocated while his face was buried in her breasts.

The mind-boggling drama unfolded, say cops, while Daniel Greene was attending his bachelor party at the Pretty Kitty strip club.

The club had been rented out for the private affair.

According to investigators, Greene was enjoying a lap dance when disaster struck: One of the strippers, Kandy Kane, got too into her performance and suffocated the man between her 72-DD breasts.

Witnesses said that Greene had had his fair share of beer, but didn't seem out-of-control.

When the song "I'm Too Sexy" began to play, Greene became excited and began to dance on the tabletop, hooting and hollering, pals said, "like an idiot."

Miss Kane, apparently pleased to see someone enjoying her choice in music, moved in closer.

When Greene took his seat, she began giving him a lap dance, shaking her breasts in his face.

The more she shook, the deeper Greene got lost in her cleavage.

"Daniel was having so much fun," partygoer John Gillman said.

"We all thought he loved being in that gal's chest.

"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"

Cheering onlookers eventually realized that Greene was no longer moving, and pulled him from between Miss Kane's breasts.

Now Greene's family is suing Miss Kane and the Pretty Kitty for wrongful death.

Greene's father, George, won't specify the amount they are suing for, but claims that it isn't about the money.

"Those breasts were lethal weapons," he told reporters.

"The Pretty Kitty should not have allowed Miss Kane to have her bust enhanced to the size that she did.

"We hope that by filing this lawsuit, we can send a message to other strippers: keep your bra size within a reasonable range."

Kandy Kane made a statement through her attorneys: "I thought he liked it in there. "

The Pretty Kitty declined comment. reg

quote:
Originally posted by CrystalTears:
According to investigators, Greene was enjoying a lap dance when disaster struck: One of the strippers, Kandy Kane, got too into her performance and suffocated the man between her 72-DD breasts.


Ugh..72DD?! They aren't even breasts anymore at that point--they're utters.
reg

quote:
Originally posted by Weedmage Princess:
Ugh..72DD?! They aren't even breasts anymore at that point--they're utters.

At that size they are considered small planets and should have really created their own atmoshpere.

I think the guy died from a broken heart knowing he could never convince his bride to be to have the same operation.

Des

reg

quote:
Originally posted by CrystalTears:
"Those breasts were lethal weapons," he told reporters.

::snicker:: reg

Actually there might be something to that "atmospheric" thing. You could say he died due to atmospheric conditions.

"There is no gravity. The earth sucks."
reg

Serves him right for having a stripper at his batchelor party. He's getting married, he shouldn't be oogling women. Ugh.

- Klaive! reg

Yeah and he should be churning his own butter too, but not before he milks the cow or else we ain't got no milks for the day!

------------------
I got no dukes. reg

::laughs:: Shouldn't be oogling women. ::laughs:: I'm sorry, I just found that SO funny. I've never met a STRAIGHT man that has never oogled a beautiful, let alone a VERY well endowed woman. Good lord, what year are we in again?

::laughs:: Churning butter! ::laughs some more:: I love you guys! reg

quote:
Originally posted by Klaive:
He's getting married, he shouldn't be oogling women. Ugh.

- Klaive!


Just because your on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

------------------
Anticor Rifling, Giantman Wizard reg

Yeah yeah with the looking thing but...it's one thing to look but don't touch--however I think it's safe to say he was doing a bit more than just looking. He was getting a lap dance for one and clearly some more considering his head was buried between her boobs..The evil part of me (which accounts for like 90%) says GOOD FOR HIM ..haha reg