The Players Corner Archive

Dear Summer,
I have the perfect spouse, except for one little problem. He plays his other character more than he plays the character that is married to me! What can I do?
Sincerely,
Not The Only One

Dear Not,
Hmm, my friends and I have discussed this same issue. I have one friend that has 14 souls and 14 wives! Can you imagine! The poor man has to hunt night and day just to support all of 'em. Not to mention what he goes through on holidays. Can you imagine having to buy 14 Valentine gifts! I'm rather in awe that he can even keep all their names straight... well, enough about that.

Not, I believe the best advice is to search your heart and do what is comfortable for YOU. If it's upsetting you to see him with other women, then you need to tell him that. Life is too short to be upset, or hurt, when you should be enjoying yourself. I realize it's not an easy thing to do, but if you can't accept his lifestyle, then you need to move on. I just bet there is a wonderful man out there that feels as you do, and IS a one-woman man.

Best of luck to you, and thanks for writing!
Summer

[This message has been edited by Summerlyn (edited 08-28-2001).] reg

I think Not is a little confused on something (if the situation is how summer perceives ).

Its the player/character relationship. Nots character is married to the other guys character. Not is not married to the other guy.

It is like meeting someone with a low level character you play, then turning around and marrying him with your high level character, because you play her more.

Your characters husband only has one women. Your character shouldn't feel anything if she see's his other chracter with a women.

The question is, do You as a player feel anything. And if you as a player feels something, then you have blurred the lines between player/character.

Now this might not be the issue. The letter is pretty vague. It might be that you as a player are just unhappy that your characters spouses player doesnt play that character very much. This is a player to player issue.

Being married to someone that isn't around much is hard, and this is a valid IC complaint also. If that is the case then i say sure, tell him. RP the unwanted wife.

But, if this is a Player/Character issue, than the only one that can help you is yourself. You have to realize what roleplaying really is, it is in its basic sense the total seperation of player and character. I'd say at least half of the players in gemstone, at least, will NEVER get that concept completely.

And, if your one of those fifty percentile who just don't/can't understand:

Best bet is to not get into that type of relationship. Pretty high standards to look for a character whose player has no other characters, but if thats what it takes to make you happy...

The last thing you want is for gemstone to not make you happy, thats what it is there for in the first place.

'lood
this topic needs guy perspective anywhoo reg

Joe plays Guy and Dood. Susie plays Gal, and Jane plays Lady.

Guy is married to Gal, and Dood is married to Lady.

Two different sets of characters, two different sets of roleplay. If Susie thinks that her character's being married to Joe's character means anything other than some fun RP, then she should get her head examined and take a few months away from the game.

It is FANTASY ladies and gentlemen. When you take fantasy real, it is no longer fantasy, and then you have to find something to fill the void all over again.

If you're cybering with someone using your characters as "props" and the game as a private chatroom with atmosphere expect to be disappointed at the very least. If you're ROLEPLAYING a relationship that doesn't exist in real life, expect to have fun.

Been there, done that, ain't worth the effort.

R
reg

quote:

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Originally posted by Desharei:
Joe plays Guy and Dood. Susie plays Gal, and Jane plays Lady.

Guy is married to Gal, and Dood is married to Lady.

Two different sets of characters, two different sets of roleplay. If Susie thinks that her character's being married to Joe's character means anything other than some fun RP, then she should get her head examined and take a few months away from the game.

R

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The trap that many so called roleplayers fall into is letting the significant others know of the existence of their other characters and their significant others. Mixing the lines between characters like that is bound to cause some bad feelings.

If you want to keep them separate and want the freedom for your other characters to have relationships then you have to be the one who draws the line. It's hypocritical to expect your spouse to keep the lines separate while you parade in all your characters to meet the spouse and spell everyone up.

The separation of characters starts at home. If you can't keep them separate from each other how can you expect your spouse to do so?

~Sayrena reg

I may have edited too much of Not's letter. I try to keep my posts as short as possible, so I took just the "meat" of her letter. I probably didn't express how much the situation was bothering Not.

There is a fine line to balance between fantasy and reality. Some can balance that line much better than others. In Not's case it was really upsetting her that her in-game hubby was choosing not to spend time with her. It's not an issue of her being wrong, and the in-game husband being right. I see it as someone not enjoying her time in Gemstone, and that she needs to take the steps to make herself happier.

It should be noted that the majority of my posts in this topic are from an "in-game" perspective and a humorous angle. Help us all, if anyone writes for "serious" advice!

Don't even get me started on what I would say if it was a real husband "Jim-Bob", parading around with the honeys at night as "Dicky".

Summer reg

quote:

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Dear Summer,
I have the perfect spouse, except for one little problem. He plays his other character more than he plays the character that is married to me! What can I do?
Sincerely,
Not The Only One
[/B]

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Responding directly to the problem raised by the letter to Summerlyn, if your spouse has paraded all his/her other characters before you and you are having a difficult time with not letting it affect your feelings when he/she plays the other characters, I have the following to offer as a possible solution for you. I know I've had to do it myself a time or two and it seemed to work.

Your spouse seems to have trouble keeping the characters separate. He or she shouldn't of made them known to you in the first place if he wanted them to have independent personas and relationships. Since your spouse has violated that rule of roleplaying and it is causing bad feelings, you might try removing your spouse's name from your AIM buddy list and unhighlight the names of all his or her characters except the one you are in a relationship with.

You'll no longer know when he/she is around but not as your spouse without you going out of your way to find out. It might help change your mindset about the relationship being with his/her character and not the player or the other characters of the player.

Good luck!

~Sayrena reg

quote:

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Originally posted by Sayrena:

Responding directly to the problem raised by the letter to Summerlyn, if your spouse has paraded all his/her other characters before you and you are having a difficult time with not letting it affect your feelings when he/she plays the other characters, I have the following to offer as a possible solution for you. I know I've had to do it myself a time or two and it seemed to work.

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I don't think you and the others (except for that one guy) are responding to what the letter said though. What was posted here said things were fine except the guy was playing his other character more. The letter didn't say the other character knows her, he's been parading them around or that they are involved with anyone else. Just said he played a different character more.

So if that's the real and only issue, then that's what needs to be talked about. I would ask the letter writer if he's playing the character she's married to about the same as he always has, like when they first met and stuff. If so, then she shouldn't expect any bigger time amount from him. If how much he plays her husband has changed, then that can cause problems and should be talked about. But only the people involved can really do anything about it.

There's different ways to handle it, but ya have to come to some kinda understanding. Maybe play on certain days or something. Lots of people play more than one character so ya have to allow them time to do that, especially if they was already doing it when you got involved with them.

But if things changed a lot and all of a sudden he isn't spending as much time with the husband character, then I could see why she'd be griping about it. That's a real downer and sometimes ya just can't do anything about it either. Ya still should talk to the other person about it though to try and get things straightened out.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time playing more than one character. I think sometimes people get all pissy about it only after they get more seriously involved though. Like somehow getting married all of a sudden means they owe you more or something. But really they only owe you the same as what they were giving before. And that's only if there isn't something RL that comes up making them play less or something. There's also nothing wrong with playing more than one character that's involved with different people. Characters are meant to be separate people, not all just the same one with different professions and stuff.

Snook reg

quote:

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Originally posted by Snooky:
I don't think you and the others (except for that one guy) are responding to what the letter said though. What was posted here said things were fine except the guy was playing his other character more. The letter didn't say the other character knows her, he's been parading them around or that they are involved with anyone else. Just said he played a different character more.

Snook

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Well, Summerlyn did say she edited the letter in order to keep her post brief. The response she gave to the letter incorporated the issue of being upset about the other characters and their relationships.

~Sayrena reg

Not The Only One stated that her husband told her the name of his "other" and was seen around town and hunting with various women. I referred to that in my answer, but not in the letter, that's what was confusing to people.

Except for some slight editing, I'm now trying to leave most of the letters intact. Of the 8 letters I've posted, 3 have been shown exactly as written, and 5 have been edited due to length.

Sorry about that,
Summer reg

Mike reg

Hmm, Ozzycrazy, I think your wife tried very hard to do the right thing. I bet she waited a long, long time to hear from her long-lost husband and after a proper mourning period, she decided she needed to move on. She probably made it clear to her fiance and all her friends where her heart was. I think she was very fortunate to have a fiance that cared for her, and was respectful of her feelings for her missing husband.

She was probably shocked when during an extended "vacation", she received news that her husband had returned. Can you imagine the struggle the poor women must have gone through? Does she just dump the kind and caring fiance, and run back to the husband that abandoned her? Does she stay with the fiance, and turn her back on the husband she shared so much with?

I think in the end she should stop worrying about hurting others, and just follow her heart. I also think she sounds like one lucky lady to have stumbled across such two kind and caring men in her life.

But, what do I know...
Summer reg

Why ya putting so much pressure on the lass? After all, you were gone a long long time as you say. She moved on with her life when you moved on with yours. Now you want to be able to snap your fingers and have everything return to what it once was, not only that but you want it instantly.

Have patience grasshopper. Matters of the heart sometimes take time to work themselves out. Snipping comments and impatience will only push her away not draw her closer to you.

~Sayrena reg

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Originally posted by ozzycrazy:
ok ok it seems that to many people are getting worked up by my little post. It was just a personal joke for someone else that reads the boards. I never meant to paint anyone in a bad light. There is always 3 sides to every story. And seems everyone thinks the know who posted this but it's not who you think. All people involed in this are my good friends and wish to keep them as so, though their may be some tension for a few days. Let me stop my own thread

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With friends like you, who needs enemies. Do you realize that your little joke has had one of your "good friends" in tears for most of the last 24 hours? I hope you have the cajones to at least tell her it was you and not who she thinks it was that wrote that. Your other "good friend" tried to cover up for you after telling her he didn't write the post, then switched and said that yes he did write it. And now here you are saying it wasn't him that wrote it.

Your statement about there being a bit of tension for a few days is an understatement. You've caused quite a bit of anguish for your three "good friends" with your joke.

Wonder how much more of these mind games it's going to take before a certain person wakes up to what is happening and tells them all to take a hike.

~Sayrena reg

Probably only a handful of people even know (or care) what this is all about, so probably be best if I flex my muscles, wield my "power", and shut this one down.

Thanks to all that wrote in.

Summer reg